Tag Archives: relationships

So, do you have a boyfriend?

Sorry, I’ve been thinking about the topic, so you get to hear about it.  Bear with me.

At this point in my life, as a twenty-three-year-old single girl, I am not looking to date.  I would rather cultivate friendships with both men and women while living with purpose toward God.  I want to be free to pursue Him and the way He has for me to go, wholeheartedly; and I want to be free to really get to know people without the distractions and false fronts inherent in dating relationships.

 Now, of course, I would like to get married.  But it seems to me that truly knowing someone as a friend is a good foundation upon which to build the deeper relationship that leads to marriage.  It doesn’t make any sense to me to jump into a semi-committed “dating” relationship in order to get to know someone.  I don’t know about you, but another thing that doesn’t make any sense to me is feeding romantic feelings until there is a mutual conviction that two people are completely right for each other (as in, for marriage to each other), and a mutual commitment to one another (as in, engagement).

Now, believe me when I say I know emotions don’t have an on/off button.  At least, mine don’t!  But I do know that they can be fed, and they can be released, and sometimes feeding them is not only foolish and emotionally dangerous, but distracting enough to displace God in my thinking.

If you think I’m totally wacky, well, I have enough personal experience to say I really know how strong feelings are, and that they don’t wait for your permission to attach themselves to someone.  But I’ve found that those kinds of feelings, outside of commitment, only serve to seriously mess up my spiritual perspective, and set me up for big heartache.  Taking every thought captive to Christ, laying down the object of my admiration in God’s hands, letting go of the right to “him”, completely trusting God to bring about the very, very best in every relationship—this is the way I’ve found to have the right perspective and keep my spiritual ears open.