Monthly Archives: July 2009

So, do you have a boyfriend?

Sorry, I’ve been thinking about the topic, so you get to hear about it.  Bear with me.

At this point in my life, as a twenty-three-year-old single girl, I am not looking to date.  I would rather cultivate friendships with both men and women while living with purpose toward God.  I want to be free to pursue Him and the way He has for me to go, wholeheartedly; and I want to be free to really get to know people without the distractions and false fronts inherent in dating relationships.

 Now, of course, I would like to get married.  But it seems to me that truly knowing someone as a friend is a good foundation upon which to build the deeper relationship that leads to marriage.  It doesn’t make any sense to me to jump into a semi-committed “dating” relationship in order to get to know someone.  I don’t know about you, but another thing that doesn’t make any sense to me is feeding romantic feelings until there is a mutual conviction that two people are completely right for each other (as in, for marriage to each other), and a mutual commitment to one another (as in, engagement).

Now, believe me when I say I know emotions don’t have an on/off button.  At least, mine don’t!  But I do know that they can be fed, and they can be released, and sometimes feeding them is not only foolish and emotionally dangerous, but distracting enough to displace God in my thinking.

If you think I’m totally wacky, well, I have enough personal experience to say I really know how strong feelings are, and that they don’t wait for your permission to attach themselves to someone.  But I’ve found that those kinds of feelings, outside of commitment, only serve to seriously mess up my spiritual perspective, and set me up for big heartache.  Taking every thought captive to Christ, laying down the object of my admiration in God’s hands, letting go of the right to “him”, completely trusting God to bring about the very, very best in every relationship—this is the way I’ve found to have the right perspective and keep my spiritual ears open.

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Just for fun

“Writing About Nothing”

“I really do not like the frontispiece of my Sense & Sensibility.  The lady looks dowdy and complacent.”  I sat down the book and looked across to the dresser mirror which reflected back at me my own puzzled expression and dishevelled hair.  “Really, Elinor was not so silly in either respect.  I hold her in great esteem and sympathy.”  I looked at my reflection again, a vague headache pulsing from temple to temple across my forehead.  It had been a long day.

That restive yearning had been pursuing me– as I changed out laundry, tidied the kitched, searched all in a hustle for some misplaced paper of Mother’s– and it had finally caught me, as I sat cross-legged in companionable comfort with myself on the untidy bed in my quiet room.  Reading Austen always makes me feel I can give words to that restlessness, but somehow one cannot really write for long about nothing.  That is ever and always the problem standing between me and my fantasy of words piling up on words.

In thought I suddenly returned to a picture of the early afternoon, lounging in the shade, eating peaches at the end of an all-morning jaunt with a friend.  “I remember, ” she had remarked, “at twenty, thinking, ‘I really ought to get married soon, because I’m starting to have so much fun, soon I won’t want to!'”  This girl, dear friend and correspondent of many years, would make such an interesting character in a book.  Indeed, then, my mind fell on another friend, a thoughtful young man with an intellectual and spiritual curiosity to match the bigness of his heart.  He too could stand model for a character in a story.

Then my headache flared up again, and my mind let go of its creative castle-building.

“Problem is,” I mused despairingly, “I would want to transpose them to Regency England, and I don’t know enough of it to paint a true and satisfying picture.”  Indeed.

And I lay down my achy head on the pillow.